It Hurts to Know
by Chele
Summary: The Enterprise crew bond in many ways. [Tu&S, R&S, All] The sequel to this story is TYPE [under Sato and T'Pol].
1. Chapter 1: Distress

Hey, you all! This fic was actually the first one I ever wrote (back in 2002) and it's the REVISED version. Sorry in advance for the short chapters.

This was originally posted in The Linguistics Database forumas were all my other _Star Trek: Enterprise_ fics.

Title: It Hurts to Know (Revised)  
Author: Chele  
Rating: PG-13  
Category: General  
Codes: Tu/S, R/S, All  
Summary: The _Enterprise_ crew bond in many ways.  
Author's Notes: This is the revised version of the first fic I wrote. Trust me; you wouldn't want to read/re-read the original script (my first fic ever!). Set after Season One and during Season Two.  
Disclaimer: Not making any money from this; the only thing I'm receiving is knowing that the readers have satisfied grins plastered on their faces. But I did make up the species' of Horienzi and Oknashta.

-----

**Chapter One: Distress**

Ensign Hoshi Sato, communications officer of the _NX-01 Enterprise_, sat at her console, bored beyond belief. She had given up on conjugating Klingon verbs. Instead, she played with her console, hoping she looked busy with something _really_ important. The crew hadn't encountered any aliens since the alien, commander Tucker was stranded with, on the secluded planet. She never got a chance to meet him face-to-face, but she figured from the bruises on the commander's face, she was fortunate not to. She had to admit the bruises worried her, well; little things about the commander worried her. He seemed too reckless when it came to first contact situations. Hoshi began to notice she was worrying about Trip more than usual lately.

Static. Hoshi's eyes widened and she bent her head to her console, waiting for her ears to pick up what she believed she heard. Beeping.

"Captain" Hoshi called to Archer. He immediately sat upright in his chair. "I'm hearing something. I believe it's…a distress signal."

"Are you sure, Ensign?" Archer asked.

Hoshi nodded, working on her console. "I think I have something."

"Bakarif moafwat itfa! Bakarif moafwat itfa!" the comm. blasted.

"Hoshi, what is it saying?" Archer asked, concern etched on his face.

"I'm not sure, Captain. It's so jumbled, I…I can't make out a word," Hoshi replied.

"Ensign Mayweather, can you get the location of the distress call?" Archer asked the helmsman.

"Yeah, just a second." After a pause, "Okay, I've found them," Travis said.

"Excellent." Archer looked at his bridge crew. "I believe we have a rescue mission."

Hoshi smiled, knowing the look Archer had. It was as if he were a little boy about to receive a reward for doing his chores.


	2. Chapter 2: First Encounter

**Chapter Two: First Encounter**

_Enterprise_ arrived at their destination. Suddenly, the entire bridge crew almost flew from their stations when an asteroid hit the ship. Then another asteroid. And another. From the screen, Hoshi could see whirring chunks of big rocks fast approaching the ship for collision. She clutched her console for support.

"There's too many of them, sir!" Travis exclaimed. "I can't pilot the ship around." 

"Lieutenant!" shouted Archer to Reed.

"I'm preparing to shoot the asteroids, sir," replied Reed, as another violent hit shook the ship.

"Captain!" Trip's voice sounded through the comm. "What the hell's going on? Malcolm's 'Reed Alert' is blaring down here and I think we've got some damages."

"We're taking care of it, Trip!" Archer bellowed through the comm.

Malcolm fired the ship's beams and destroyed some asteroids before they neared the ship. With the path semi-cleared, Travis steered the ship around the other asteroids.

The bridge crew cheered while T'Pol looked on and Archer grinned.

"Captain," Malcolm said.

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Sensors are showing another ship half a mile away. There's also a black hole within that region. The ship seems to be struggling, as if going in circles."

"What do you suggest we do, Lieutenant?" asked Archer. "If we get too close to them, we'll risk getting sucked into the black hole. But we can't leave them there, either."

"First, we need to get within a relatively safe distance from them, sir," replied Reed.

"Alright. Ensign Mayweather, please navigate us, and be careful not to get too close."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Travis grinned.

-----

"Hoshi, I want you to hail them."

"But…this is a species we haven't encountered yet. The UT isn't picking up their words." She looked up from her console. "But…if, like other languages, I change the syntax of the sentence, maybe, at least, I'll be able to get them to understand that we're here to help."

"Try it, Hoshi," Archer said.

A few seconds later, the screen showed an alien with dark purple skin and brown spots, long black hair, and grey eyes. He had ridges on his small nose and on his high cheekbones. 

"This is Captain Jonathan Archer, of the NX-01 Enterprise. We have received your distress call and have come here to help." 

"Gralisma oftec mie sumios!" the alien replied, frantically.

"I'm programming the UT to record the language, Captain," Hoshi said.

"Gralisma oftec mie sumios!" the alien repeated.

"Hoshi?" Archer turned to her.

"Here goes nothing," Hoshi muttered. "Itfa bakarif moafwat." Hoshi repeated twice.

The alien paused and blinked; then laughed, a hysterical laugh. Everyone on the bridge looked at each other in confusion.

Hoshi looked at Archer. "Was it something I said?"


	3. Chapter 3: Founding Friendship

**Chapter Three: Founding Friendship**

The pull of the black hole was getting stronger, and they lost connection with the other ship.

"Captain," Malcolm said. "I've figured how to get them out of harms way, but we need to act fast." 

"Proceed," Archer replied.

"If we hit them with the ship's beam at a forty-five degree angle, just grazing their hull, we'll be able to tilt them enough so they get their needed push away from the hole's force."

"You think that'll be wise?" Archer asked, concerned. "What if they think we're attacking them?"

"It's the only way," Reed answered matter-of-factly.

"Then do it."

Malcolm fired the beam and with a jolt the alien ship was able to move away from the pulling force of the black hole.

"We're being hailed, Captain," Hoshi said.

"Answer them."

The screen opened to reveal the same alien. "Fujmila," the alien said, smiling.

"I believe he is saying 'thank you,'" Hoshi said.

"I understood that," Archer replied with a grin. 

-----

_Enterprise_ and the alien ship, _Nostruhmacka_, docked together for two days so both ships could recuperate and trade supplies. Hoshi had been thankful for the opportunity, taking advantage of the time to learn the main parts of their language and translate it into the UT. At the same time, most of both crews got to acquaint themselves with each other.

"Captain Archer," said Grunehf, the alien whom they spoke with over the comm. and captain of the _Nostruhmacka_. "That was an impeccable thing you did, saving us from the black hole."

"Well, don't thank me, Captain Grunehf," Archer said humbly. "It was the collective efforts of my crew."

"Why, I must say, captain, you have an exceptional crew. Even your beautiful communications officer was able to translate most of our language into the UT. And thank you, once again, for hosting us."

"It is our pleasure to meet new species and cultures."

"Perhaps…you and your crew would like to visit our planet, Horienzi. It is the least we can do to repay your generosity."

"Thank you, Captain Grunehf. I know my crew would be delighted. We've been looking for a planet to explore for some time now. It'll give us a chance to breathe fresh air, so to speak."


	4. Chapter 4: The Itfa People

**Chapter Four: The Itfa People**

Trip, Jon, Malcolm, Travis, and Hoshi were in shuttlepod one, heading to Horienzi. Hoshi sat near Travis, in the front, while he piloted the shuttle. The other three men sat in the rear.

"Great going, Captain!" Trip exclaimed. "I was beginning to feel burnt out in engineering. It's been a while since we've gotten a little r and r."

"Please, Trip," Archer said. "You're the one who, _conveniently_, gets trapped on lonely planets with unknown aliens."

"Hey! That was just one time," Trip answered defensively.

"I can't believe I said that!"

Trip turned to Hoshi, sitting with a UT in her hand, a frown on her face. He smirked, thinking she looked cute with her hair down and not in that weird style she usually put her hair up in.

"What's going on there, Hoshi?" he asked.

She looked up and ran her hand through her hair to push it out of her face. "Oh, I've been running over the translations of the Horienzi, and I translated what I said to Captain Grunehf when we first hailed his ship." She frowned again. "I thought that if I could change the syntax of the captain's distress call, I would be able to communicate to him that we had come to help. And when I tried to communicate, the captain laughed. It seems their language is very complicated. They don't even have syntax order, so the meaning of a sentence is drastically changed when you switch the words around. So I had told the captain, 'We are the itfa people.'"

"Huh?" Trip asked. 

"Well, after consulting with Captain Grunehf, I found that itfa is a type of fish on their planet."

"So, we're the fish people that came to rescue them," Trip said. "Sounds kind of fairy-talish to me."

Everyone in the shuttlepod laughed. 

Trip winked at her and Hoshi looked away.


	5. Chapter 5: Horienzi

**Chapter Five: Horienzi**

They had landed on Horienzi an hour ago and were now unpacking in their reserved rooms, compliments of Captain Grunehf. Travis and Jon shared a room, along with Trip and Malcolm. Hoshi, however, received special attention from Grunehf and received her own room.

With a sigh, she walked to her own little patio overlooking the city. Trees of all sorts—different sizes, shapes, and colors—arrayed the city. She laughed to herself; she had never seen a blue tree in her life. There was also the green animal that had jumped onto her patio earlier which reminded her of a tiny armadillo.

She walked back inside and plopped on her bed. It was soft, like sleeping on feathers. Hoshi immediately sat up, knowing if she continued to lie on the bed she would fall asleep and lose her entire day of sightseeing.

Quickly, she slipped on her comfortable sandals and headed out of her room.

-----

The main village was crowded. Hoshi saw a Horienzi mother disciplining her child, Horienzi men pulling lumber and goods to trade in the market, and what looked to be teenage Horienzis playing a game, of some sort, with a bottle.

"Krisugh meliogf imanuh offlij."

Hoshi turned her attention in the direction of the heavy voice. She walked to a small cottage secluded from the rest of the village and saw an elderly Horienzi with young children surrounding her. They were sitting with their faces in awe. Apparently, they were listening to a story the elderly Horienzi was relating to them.

"Now, children," the woman continued, "what story would you like to hear now?" She paused when she saw Hoshi, and then smiled.

"Ah, I think a perfect story has come into my mind. Come," she patted the empty space in front of her, "sit with us, stranger."

Hoshi complied and sat before the woman.

"_Long ago, there lived a beautiful Horienzi woman. She had hair the color of the rising sun, and eyes as blue as the leaves of some of our beloved trees. Her name was Huielih and she loved to sing. She was a wonderful singer and she would go to the woods during the day, singing to her heart's content._

"One day, while in the woods, she fell and tumbled down a path. When she woke, she found herself in a part of the woods she had not been before. She looked around her and saw, a few feet away, a young Horienzi man. He lay on the ground, quiet and still. Quickly, she ran to him and noticed his arm was bleeding. She ripped the edge of her skirt and bandaged his arm to stop the bleeding. As she gazed upon his face, she realized how beautiful he was. His hair was as dark as the night, and his cheek ridges were very prominent along with the ones on his nose. All day and night, she stayed with him, tending to his wound.

"The next morning, the young man awoke. To his surprise, he found a beautiful Horienzi woman lying next to him. And he found his arm had healed.

"When Huielih woke, she was alone. Saddened at being abandoned, she traveled back to her village. But, everyday, she would venture off into the deep part of the woods, to find him. And one day, she found him.

"They became close as friends. He would teach her the skills of the forest and she would teach him the skills of the village. Huielih learned his name, Fregji, meaning bird in our language. She made a remark about that and he shied away. She never understood why.

"As their fondness for each other grew, they apparently fell in love. But neither spoke the words, fearing it would ruin everything.

"It was a dark day, the darkest day of Fregji's life. He had waited for Huielih and she never came. It was the day he would tell her of his undying love for her, but she never came. Heartbroken, he turned back into Jiemia, the most beautiful bird on our planet and one never seen. He flew away, away from his home, the forest, never to be seen again.

"You see, Fregji never knew that Huielih was given in marriage to another man, and she herself did not know until that day, for it was the day of her secret wedding. She cried for she knew she would never see her true love again. And she never did."

"Some say they have seen Jiemia, others say it is a mere legend. But what can we learn, children? What is more tragic? Losing the one you love," she looked at Hoshi, "or never confessing your love?"

One child said, "Losing the one you love." Another said, "No, it is more tragic to never confess your love."

"I think," Hoshi broke in, "that it just hurts to know. It hurts to know that you lost the one you love and, at the same time, that you never confessed your love."


	6. Chapter 6: The Salsa

**Chapter Six: The Salsa**

Hoshi smacked her lips after she applied her lipstick. She checked every part of her with the life-size mirror; she wanted to look perfect for captain Grunehf's banquet tonight. The front of her hair was up in clips she found in the market. Her dress was cream-colored and knee-length; the sleeveless part accentuated her arms, and the v-neck showed off the long necklace she bought. As the final touch, she put on the sandal-heels she also found in the market.

-----

The feast was packed with crewmembers of both ships. Hoshi searched to find familiar faces among the crowd.

"Over here, Hoshi!" Travis called. He motioned for her to sit next to him at the table he, Jon, Malcolm, and Trip were sitting at.

"This place is amazing!" Hoshi exclaimed, breathlessly, as she sat down.

"Yeah, who'd have thought Captain Grunehf had so much wealth?" Travis said. The lighting was bright and on each corner of the hall was a statue of a bird. "It seems the Horienzi are into birds." Travis grinned.

"I see you all are enjoying yourselves," Grunehf said when he walked to their table.

"Yes, thank you very much for your wonderful hospitality," Archer said.

Grunehf sat next to Archer and chatted with him. Malcolm and Trip were also engaged in conversation, while Travis scoped out Horienzi women from his seat.

Hoshi held up her glass to take a sip of her drink. 

Boom!

Startled, Hoshi's drink splashed on her arms. "Damn!" she muttered.

Everyone turned to the banquet's double doors. A young Horienzi man with short-cropped green hair had opened the doors of the hall with a loud bang.

"Oh, no," groaned Grunehf.

"You know the guy?" Trip asked.

"Yes, that is Alfgrhio…my son," Grunehf replied with a sigh. "He is very rebellious, or so he thinks. Every time I have a feast, he likes to storm in and cause trouble."

"Papai!" Alfgrhio called when he spotted his father.

"What do you want, Alfgrhio?"

"You should know by now, what I want," Alfgrhio said, gruffly. "I want to dance. I want to dance the salsa."

"You say that at every banquet I hold for special guests. Why can't you show some respect, my son?"

"I'll dance," Hoshi cut in.

All eyes were suddenly on her. She got up from her seat and walked to Alfgrhio.

"What is your name?" Alfgrhio asked. "Do you know the salsa?"

She extended her hand, "I'm Hoshi. And of course I know the salsa. It happens to be my favorite dance style."

Alfgrhio took Hoshi's hand and lead her onto the floor, which became the dance floor when everyone moved out of the way.


	7. Chapter 7: Save a Dance

**Chapter Seven: Save a Dance**

Alfgrhio and Hoshi fit perfectly together. They spun, turned, twisted, and twirled on the dance floor. Their audience "oohed" with every move. The dance finished with a climactic dip of Hoshi. Everyone cheered and clapped.

Alfgrhio and Hoshi grinned at each other, breathless from all the moves.

"It was a pleasure dancing with you, Hoshi," Alfgrhio said as he led her back to the table.

"Well, I'm glad I was able to help you boost your reputation with the ladies," Hoshi replied. She followed his gaze to the young Horienzi women gathered in a group, whispering to each other.

"Excuse me," Alfgrhio said.

"Go right ahead." Hoshi stepped out of the way.

"Man, Hoshi!" Travis exclaimed. "How did you know how to dance like that?" 

"I've been dancing for many years now. My old partner, back on earth, and I won the bronze medal at a ballroom dancing competition for salsa four years ago."

"That was a secret talent you never mentioned to me, Hoshi," Archer said.

"Well, there are a _lot_ of things you don't know about me, Captain," Hoshi replied.

Trip, Malcolm, and Travis cat-called and Hoshi shook her head.

"That was a very well-executed dance, Ensign," Malcolm commented.

"Thanks, Lieutenant." Hoshi smiled. "Of course, only _you_ would think of executions being well done."

The others chuckled while Malcolm gulped his drink.

"So, Hoshi, when are _we_ gonna dance?" Trip asked, charmingly. "You have to teach me some of those steps. Gotta learn new ways to charm the ladies."

"I don't think you have problems charming the 'ladies,' Commander."

Malcolm sputtered his drink, Jon smiled smugly, Travis laughed, and Grunehf curiously watched his guests, pleased that they were enjoying themselves.

-----

After their day and night on Horienzi, the shore leave crew said their goodbyes. Once again, life aboard the _Enterprise_ was back to normal, whatever normal was. Hoshi sat at her console, this time, perfecting the translation of the Horienzi language.

"It's the end of your shift, Hoshi," Archer said, distracting her deep concentration. "Why don't you get something to eat at the mess, before all the food's gone?"

Hoshi smiled sheepishly, she had completely forgotten everything else but her work. Before she exited the bridge, Archer said, "By the way. Captain Grunehf wanted me to let you know he appreciates what you did for his son. Apparently, their father-son relationship is slowly repairing. Alfgrhio promised his father he'd wash out the green dye from his hair and grow it out, and Grunehf promised his son he'd allow him to use the banquet hall as a studio for dancing lessons. It seems the salsa is now the big rave on Horienzi."

Hoshi smirked. Who would have thought that she would make a difference on any world?

"Oh, and before I forget," Archer held a small box and threw it to her.

She caught the box and gave him a questioning look.

"That's a gift from Alfgrhio. He would have given it to you in person, but he felt kind of awkward; that you'd think it was a proposal or something like that."

Hoshi blushed. "Thank you, Captain."

-----

She opened the box and gently picked up the gift. It was a golden necklace, designed after the leaves of the blue trees she remembered seeing on Horienzi.

She rounded the corner and bumped into someone. "Oof," they both grunted as they collided.


	8. Chapter 8: The Sound of You

**Chapter Eight: The Sound of You**

"I'm so sorry, Commander," Hoshi stuttered. She bent to pick up the box and necklace from the floor. 

"Its okay, Hoshi," Trip replied

She quickly put the necklace back into the box.

"That's really pretty. Is it a necklace?"

She nodded.

"Did you buy it while on Horienzi?"

She shook her head.

Trip chuckled. "You know, I don't have a third eye, Hoshi. Or maybe I do." He touched his face and heaved a fake sigh of relief when he didn't feel his "third eye".

Hoshi laughed. "Sorry, Commander. It was a gift."

"It suits you," he whispered, then winked.

Hoshi felt a little flush when he did that. She tried her best not to melt into a puddle of goo before him. He was obviously using his natural charms on her.

"I have to go," she said abruptly.

"What?"

"…eat. I, uh, have to eat."

"Alright. See you later, Hoshi." He smiled and walked away.

Hoshi stared at the empty spot that previously occupied Trip Tucker. She shook her head, this definitely was not good.

-----

"Hey, Travis." Hoshi greeted. She placed her tray across from him.

"Hey."

"So, did you have fun on Horienzi?" Hoshi asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Travis exclaimed. "I went hiking and did a little rock-climbing, well, it was as close to rock-climbing, as you can get. Their nature is beautiful, Hoshi. Have you seen some of the creatures?" Hoshi nodded. "They are such a colorful species."

"I guess you made sure you wouldn't hurt yourself rock-climbing again," Hoshi said, amused.

"Me? Nah. You know I don't repeat my mistakes." He smiled. "Well, I got to go. By the way, its movie night, and guess what they're playing?"

"What?" Hoshi asked, curiously.

"The Sound of Music," Travis mouthed, getting up.

Hoshi's eyes widened. "I love that movie." 

"I know," Travis said. "I wouldn't let my best friend pass up an opportunity like that."

-----

_The Sound of Music_ always reminded Hoshi of falling in love, all over again. The movie ended and Hoshi had to contain herself from singing along with "Climb Every Mountain." The lights slowly brightened. She stretched her arms over her head and yawned.

"Hey, Hoshi." Trip turned around and Hoshi realized she had been sitting in back of him.

"Hello, Commander." She gave him a sideways glance. "I didn't know you were interested in this movie."

Trip chuckled. "Well, mama always loved watching musicals, and I cannot tell you how many trillions of times I've sat through this one." He shrugged. "Guess it just kind of reminds me of home."

"So, what about you?" Trip asked, as they exited the mess. "Why are _you_ interested in this movie?"

"Oh," Hoshi said, off-guard. What did interest her about the movie? The singing? The dancing? "The best part, I guess, is the Captain and Maria love story."

"Well, if you ask me," Trip said, "their love story wasn't all that great."

"Why do you say that?"

"For starters, they both wasted time being so stubborn about loving each other. I mean, he could have outright told her how he felt, and she didn't have to run away from what _she_ felt."

"But that's the beauty, Trip…er…Comma…"

"Call me, Trip." He grinned.

"Love is complicated; so many emotions, feelings, reactions, and so forth. Love doesn't magically appear overnight. I think what was going through both the characters minds is, 'Am I really in love?' Because if you think about, how does one know when one is in love? That it's real, and not lust, or infatuation?" 

"Wow," Trip said. "You sure are passionate about your thoughts."

Hoshi shrugged. "It's what being a communications officer is about. You have to read between the lines, so to speak."

They stopped in front of Hoshi's quarters. 

"Well, this is me," she said. "Thanks for…walking me to my room, I guess." She laughed uneasily, looking down. 

"Hoshi," he whispered. "Look at me." He lifted her chin with his finger.

Their eyes met.

He chuckled. "It's okay to breathe."

Was she not breathing? She didn't even realize she wasn't. "Oh," she whispered, her mind a jumble of thoughts, not knowing how any of them connected to this moment.

He leaned in closer, a lopsided smile on his face. 

"No!"

Trip's head snapped up. "I…"

"I mean…I'm sorry…I have to get inside now. Early shift. Can't make the captain upset." Hoshi stuttered through her words, not able to speak coherently.

He looked at her with what seemed to be a pained expression. Or was it pain? No, Hoshi thought she was just imagining it.

"Uh, yeah. I should get to bed, too." 

Hoshi blushed when he said 'bed'. It was the way he said it, or maybe it was just her imagination again.

"Goodnight." 

"G'night, m'lady," Trip said, in his best deep Southern accent.

-----

Inside her quarters, Hoshi thumped her head against the wall. How could she have been so stupid to fall for him? Wait, was she even falling for him? She knew for sure, though, that she did not want to be another victim of Trip's charms.


	9. Chapter 9: Exchanges

**Chapter Nine: Exchanges**

"Hello, Doctor," Hoshi greeted as she strolled into sickbay.

"Good morning, Ensign," Phlox replied. "What can I do for you?" He was feeding his Pyrithian bat.

"I wanted to see how you were doing." She sat on a biobed.

"I seem to be in tact." 

She tilted her head. Phlox was quieter than usual; something was bothering him.

"How was the Interspecies Medical Exchange?"

He stiffened.

"Ah, yes." He turned to Hoshi. "It was…eventful. I'm just very glad to be back…on board." He smiled.

"What are you smiling about?" Hoshi asked. She knew something was troubling him; she could see through his fake smile.

"Nothing." He sighed. "I've learned one thing that's as universal as languages."

"What's that?"

"Prejudice."

-----

Hoshi sat in the mess hall, eating her breakfast, as Travis and Malcolm conversed. She jabbed at her half-cooked eggs, watching runny yolk drip to her sausage and bacon. She hadn't paid attention to whatever the two were bumbling about.

"So, Hoshi," Travis said. "What do you think?"

"Wha?" Hoshi looked up from her plate, catching the curious glances of both men.

"Yoohoo!" Travis waved his hand. "Where have you been? We were talking about placing bets on Trip."

"Bets?" Hoshi asked.

"It seems," Malcolm said, "that our commander has found a new liking. Feezal, the doctor's wife, or should I say, one of them…" 

Travis snorted. Hoshi rolled her eyes.

Malcolm cleared his throat. "As I was saying…Feezal seems to be spending quite some time with Trip."

"Installing the new neutron microscope in _sickbay_," Travis said.

"Without the doctor's supervision," Malcolm inserted. The two were eye-to-eye. 

"But Trip knows she's taken," Travis added.

"But the doctor has many wives, what'll be the difference if she—" 

"What are you guys _talking_ about?" Hoshi asked, annoyed. She took a sip of her orange juice.

"We were placing bets on who would seduce who first," Travis explained. 

The second she heard 'seduce' she spit out her juice. Malcolm and Travis closed their eyes when they were sprinkled in the face.

"What in bloody…"

"What the…" 

Hoshi covered her mouth in shock. "I am so sorry!" She quickly handed them both napkins.

"See you both on the bridge." Before either man could respond, she dashed out of the mess.


	10. Chapter 10: Games

**Chapter Ten: Games**

It was midnight and Hoshi couldn't sleep. Reviewing her work for the day did not help and neither did counting the Klingon verbs she knew. So, she had decided to go to the mess hall.

With a mug of warm milk in her hands, Hoshi sat alone at a table. It felt good being able to meditate and reflect on her life. If someone had told her, two years ago, she would be flying in a starship around the galaxy, she would not have believed. But here she was, in a starship, with a cup of steamed milk in her hands. She laughed at the irony.

"What are you doing up late?"

Hoshi nearly jumped. "I had…a lot on my mind," she answered, not turning to face him.

"Oh." She could feel him walk closer. He sat on the chair across from her. "Me, too." He gave her a lazy smile. "I sometimes think about being back home—"

"Uh, Commander," Hoshi cut in, "I should be getting back to my quarters." She stood up.

"Aren't you staying?" he asked, looking up at her. "I mean…I'd like you to stay."

Hoshi looked away, not wanting him to see the pained expression on her face. She wanted to stay, too, but the sensible part of her mind told her it wasn't a good idea.

"I thought we could…just talk," he pressed on.

"Talk about what?" She looked at him, willing herself not to give in. 

"Anything, I suppose," he said. "Come on, Hoshi. We haven't talked to each other in three weeks." He gently tugged on her arms. "Stay and finish your milk before it gets cold." He winked.

She pulled her hands away and knew, from his shocked expression, he noticed.

"What's the matter, Hoshi?" he asked.

"I don't think you should be touching me." She tried to maintain her ground. She didn't want him to think she had a crush on him…liked him…noticed him…, no; she wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"I don't think that's the reason, Hoshi," he said slowly.

"Look, I don't want to play anymore games with you." Her voice was shaky and she hoped he couldn't sense it.

"Games?" he asked, incredulously. "Hoshi, I'm not the one playing games here." His voice was starting to rise.

"_You're_ not the one playing games? 'Hi, Hoshi. How are you doing, Hoshi?'" She mockingly impersonated him. "_I'm_ not the one who constantly winks at you, or tries to touch you, or even walks you to your quarters!" 

"What is this all about? If you were just straight with me I'd be in a better position to understand what the hell is wrong with you!"

She slapped him, hard, in the face.


	11. Chapter 11: Real

**Chapter Eleven: Real**

The sound of the slap was like the sound of shattering glass. In her mind, Hoshi kept hearing the sound, over and over. It wouldn't stop.

She looked at him, _really_ looked at him. She wanted to cry; he looked like a man broken.

Hoshi willed her feet to run and she did. Before she made it to the doors, she felt him pull her back. 

She turned to him. "I…I am so…"

He placed his finger on her lip. He leaned in closer and she quivered. "_I_ should be the one apologizing," he whispered. He looked at her intently, and his mouth slowly descended on hers.

"Stop!" She pushed him away. "_Why?_" she asked in agony.

"Why, what?"

"Is this some sort of way for you to get me into bed?"

"Hoshi…"

"Shut up and listen to me. I am not, and I mean _not_, going to be another one-night stand for you. Isn't it enough that you get an alien-babe-of-the-week?" 

"Alien-babe-of-the-week?"

"Yeah. Let's see, there was Liana, Kaa'itama, Feezal, am I forgetting somebody? How about your shore leave time on Risa? I could keep going on if you want me to."

"Hold it!" Trip said defensively. "Why are you asking this? Why does it even matter?"

"Why shouldn't it! You were about to make me another one of your flings!" She looked away. "I am not just another fling." 

"No." Trip shook his head. "You're not another fling. You're real." He closed the space between them.

She could feel his warmth; his body, his breath.

"And this," he lifted her chin, "…this is real." He kissed her.

Trip's mouth was exquisite; his tongue licked her lips, prying it to open, and when they did, his tongue furiously tangled with her own.


	12. Chapter 12: Adventure

**Chapter Twelve: Adventure**

It had been two months and three weeks since the 'mess hall incident,' as Hoshi called it. She and Trip had gone to every movie night together, sat in the mess hall during certain meals together, and even a minor glitch on the bridge somehow warranted for Trip to be there to either fix the situation or supervise. All these moments, though, had to be well-planned. They made sure to sit in the back during movie nights and only arrive when the lights were down. They never sat alone together during meals, and they avoided as much eye contact, when on the bridge together, as they could.

One day, Trip decided he wanted to be bold.

"What are you doing?" Hoshi asked, surprised, when Trip took her hand in his. They were walking through an empty hallway.

"Just thought I could hold my gal." Trip grinned. "Am I being bad for doing so?" 

"No…only we could get caught."

"If you've noticed, Hoshi, there's nobody around."

"You know the rules on frater—"

"—nization," Trip finished. "I'm trying to be cool about hiding this, but it's starting to be really frustrating." He frowned. "Not being able to touch you whenever I want, or even look at you whenever I want." He stroked her hair. 

"I know," Hoshi said sympathetically, relishing the way he caressed her hair. "It's all that we can do right now." She stroked Trip's face in assurance.

"But in the meantime…" Trip pushed Hoshi against the wall, his hand around the back of her head.

She gasped and he crushed his mouth to hers. She threaded her hands through his hair, loving the texture. They broke apart, breathing heavily. Their eyes locked on each other, watching as the other calmed down. Suddenly, Hoshi laughed and Trip followed. 

"Your hair, it's messy," Trip said.

"What about you?" Hoshi asked. "You've got some shades of my lips on you."

"Leave it on." Trip patted Hoshi's hands away from his mouth. "I kinda like it that way. It'll remind me of how luscious those lips of yours are."

"Yeah, well, as much as you like the color, Trip, I don't think the captain would like seeing his chief engineer prancing around with red lips." Hoshi wiped away her smeared lipstick off Trip and fixed her hair.

As they departed their ways to tend to their shifts, Trip and Hoshi failed to notice a pair of hazel eyes watching them.


	13. Chapter 13: Everything

**Chapter Thirteen: Everything**

"After you finish, I'd like you to step into my ready room," Archer told Hoshi before he exited the bridge.

"Yes, sir," Hoshi answered.

-----

"What are you doing here?" Hoshi asked as she stepped into the captain's ready room.

"I'd ask you that very same question," Trip said.

They turned when the doors swished open.

"I see you're wondering what you both are doing here," Archer said. He walked to his chair. "Do you actually think what you are doing is appropriate?"

Trip and Hoshi looked at each other, confused.

"Captain," Trip said. "You're the one who asked us to be here. I think we should be asking _you_ questions."

Archer rose from his chair. "You'd better be aware that you're on record. So, if I were you, Trip, I'd watch what I say."

"Captain," Hoshi said.

"T'Pol," Archer said loudly, ignoring Hoshi, "saw you both three days ago alone in D-deck…doing a little more than walking."

There was silence.

"What do you two have to say?" Archer asked. "What if it had been another crewmember! If it weren't for T'Pol, everyone else on this ship would have known about you two, before I would!"

"We're sorry, Captain," Trip spoke up. "We truly are. But things between me and Hoshi…well, they got complicated and…we're attracted to each other." Trip was sure that sounded better in his head. 

"Yes," Hoshi added. "We got a little carried away that day and we promise it'll never happen again."

Archer sighed. Truthfully, he didn't know what to say or do.

"I don't know," Archer said. "Obviously, you are interested in each other. How can I come between that? It's really your personal business. I just want you both to answer me this, what happens when things don't work out between you two?"

Trip and Hoshi looked at each other. They had never thought about the ramifications of their relationship not working. They only thought about the here and now, not the 'what ifs'.

"It's true that romantic relationships don't always work out for every couple," Hoshi answered, thoughtfully. "But you have our assurance that whatever happens with us…stays with us."

"Can I sincerely believe that?" Archer asked, doubtfully. "What about when you have to choose between each other...and the ship?"

"We'd choose the Enterprise, Captain," Trip answered.

Archer sighed again. He wasn't sure if it was in the best interest of the ship to let them stay together.

"Alright," he finally said in resignation. "You guys can go about your business, but be discreet. I mean no more necking in any hallway, even if empty. You both are dismissed."

Trip and Hoshi smiled. "Thank you, Captain," they both said.

Before they exited the ready room, Archer called out in a stern voice, "Remember you two, you were Starfleet officers _before_ you got together. Everything, and I mean _everything_, is for the Enterprise."


	14. Chapter 14: Surprise

**Chapter Fourteen: Surprise**

"Be careful, darling," Trip warned Hoshi. She was blindfolded as he guided her to their destination. "Okay, you can take off the blindfold now."

"Trip," Hoshi started. "What are we doing in Shuttlepod One?"

"It's a surprise," Trip answered. "Just a little something to celebrate our three month anniversary."

"Wait a minute," Hoshi began. "Charles Tucker! If you think we're spending our three month anniversary in some shuttlepod, which has gotten you stranded on certain occasions, then you will be celebrating this day on your own!"

"Aww, darling." He gave her a pitiful look. "Now, I spent a whole lotta trouble trying to get this day planned out for the both of us, and let me tell you, it wasn't easy."

-----

"_Trip," Archer began. "Isn't it enough I left you two alone? Now this? Next thing you'll be asking is to run the ship, with Hoshi as your commander."_

"But, Captain…" Trip pleaded. "It's a special day for me and Hoshi. I wanna do something for her, but somewhere away from the ship. It'll only be for one hour." 

"Trip."

"I'll do anything you want, Captain, I swear! I'll work non-stop in engineering, or how about I fix up that chair of yours, maybe even put some of that fancy stuff I thought of before?"

"No, not the chair," Archer groaned. "How about something you don't do or haven't done already?"

"I know! I can walk Porthos for you." Trip was desperate.

Archer paused. "How about cleaning after Porthos, bathing him, and feeding him, along with those walks you mentioned?"

"Deal," Trip said automatically.

"For a month," Archer added.

"Umm…Captain…"

"Trip, do you actually think Hoshi will appreciate spending her anniversary working overtime on the bridge?"

Trip sighed. "Okay, it's a done deal."

"By the way, Trip. Please don't give Porthos too much cheese. He loves it, but it gives him runs. I don't think you'll like picking up after that."

----- 

Hoshi looked at Trip. "Fine," she said in defeat. 

"Thanks, darling." Trip smiled. "Now buckle up." 

"Oh, Trip…"

"Yeah."

"Don't strand us anywhere, okay?"


	15. Chapter 15: Shooting Star

**Chapter Fifteen: Shooting Star**

Thirty minutes later, Trip set the pod to cruise control.

"What are you doing?" Hoshi asked, bewildered.

"This is our destination, darling," Trip sweet talked.

"In the middle of nowhere?"

"It's not 'nowhere'…it's somewhere," Trip answered. "You can unbuckle now."

"Why?" 

"Just do it, Hoshi. I want to show you something and you can't see it if you're strapped down."

"Alright," Hoshi resigned. "So what exactly am I supposed to see?" she asked. She sat on Trip's lap and looked out the window.

"If Travis' pinpoints are accurate we should be seeing it right…about…now."

"Huh?"

"Hurry and make a wish!" Trip said, quickly. A bright light suddenly appeared. 

"Oh…my…" Hoshi said, amazed, when the shooting star passed them.

"Did you make your wish?"

"Trip," Hoshi breathed. "That was absolutely beautiful. I've never seen shooting stars that close before." Hoshi cupped Trip's face and kissed him.

When they broke apart, Trip chuckled. "I take it you enjoyed that."

"Yeah, among other things." Hoshi smiled.

"You haven't answered my question. Did you make your wish?"

"Yes. You?"

"Hoshi, I don't need a shooting star to make a wish. I already have one. You." 

She gently stroked Trip's face. "You are an amazing person."

"Come on." Trip scooted Hoshi off him and walked to the rear. He took out a picnic basket from a hidden compartment."

"You never cease to amaze me," Hoshi said, playfully.

He spread out a blanket and patted the spot next to him for Hoshi to sit.

"I thought we would get hungry, so I had chef make some treats," Trip said, taking out the delicacies from the basket.

"Pecan pie. Why am I not surprised?"

"Hey, there's other things besides pecan pie," Trip said, defensively. "See," he picked up slices of the other treats, "here's pumpkin pie, lemon meringue pie, and strawberry cheesecake."

"They're all sweets." She laughed.

"I figured it would be appropriate for such a sweet day."

Trip handed Hoshi a fork and they started on the pumpkin pie slice. "Mmm, sweet," he said.

"You know what's more sweet?" Hoshi whispered. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You."

Trip licked Hoshi lips. "You had a piece of pumpkin on you."

"That shouldn't be the only thing on me." She pushed him onto his back and kissed him. Trip slowly guided his fingers up Hoshi's bare arms. He pulled down her tank straps. Hoshi began to unbutton Trip's shirt.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Trip," Hoshi gasped, pulling away from him. "The comm. is beeping."

"Let it go." Trip kissed her again.

"Enterprise to Shuttlepod One. Enterprise to Shuttlepod One. We need you back, now."

Trip groaned. "For the love of—"

"Trip," Hoshi chastised. "We should head back."

-----

"Are you feeling what I'm feeling?" Trip asked. The launch bay was usually empty around this time but there was an eerie feeling.

Hoshi nodded. "This is weird, Trip. I think we should report to the bridge."

----- 

Trip stepped onto the bridge and a blow came to his temple. He fell to the ground. Hoshi gasped. Before she could do anything, someone grabbed her roughly and she felt something cold pressed to her neck.


	16. Chapter 16: Everything, Part II

**Chapter Sixteen: Everything, Part II**

Hoshi faced Archer a few feet away.

"Son of a—" The Suliban firmly holding Hoshi charged his weapon as a warning and Archer froze.

Another Suliban picked Trip off the floor and pushed him against the wall. "What the hell is going on!" The Suliban aimed his weapon and Trip raised his arms. "Whoa." 

"Isn't it obvious?" a voice asked from the captain's chair. "You're under siege."

"Silik," Trip said, not hiding the disgust in his voice.

The chair swiveled and Silik faced the helpless bridge crew. He stood up and looked at Archer, aiming his weapon.

"Get off my ship," Archer said with authority.

Silik smirked. He heard a sound and aimed his weapon, while another Suliban uncloaked himself and trained his weapon on the captain.

"I don't think so," Silik said to the man who froze.

Malcolm stood straight, his face expressionless. With his eyes, he counted the Sulibans. There were eight.

"You can't see all of us," Silik gloated. 

"What do you want from us?" Archer asked, catching Silik's attention.

"I'm so glad you asked. You see, our species has spent years developing a wonderful tool." He grinned. "We're not sure how powerful it is yet, so we decided to have a little test." He held up another pistol. "This contains the most deadly virus about to be known. When it shoots a victim, it secretes into the body, not like any wound that can be easily healed." 

"You're crazy!" Archer bellowed.

Silik laughed. "The smartest of the villains were always crazy, Archer." He aimed the weapon at Archer. "I set this to full dosage. I think it's about time to see the effects."

Hoshi knew she was the closest to the captain. She had to think fast. What were the steps Malcolm taught her in self-defense? In a moment, she stepped on the foot of her attacker and dug in with her heel. The Suliban released his hold on her and grunted. She back-handed him in the face and ran.

Hoshi gasped as she felt the hit to her back. She stumbled and almost fell to the ground, but Archer caught her. She looked at him, shocked and scared. She smiled at him, sadly. "Everything is for the Enterprise, right Captain?"


	17. Chapter 17: Malady

**Chapter Seventeen: Malady**

"No!" Trip screamed. He felt like he was seeing a movie in slow motion. Silik threatening to fire the virus on Jon, Silik firing the virus, Hoshi's blur running towards Jon, Hoshi taking the hit of the alien-made virus.

Trip's shout was enough for the Suliban to be distracted.

Malcolm quickly snatched the two hidden phase pistols under his console. "Trip," he called, and threw a phase pistol to him. Trip and Malcolm fired at the Suliban.

The other bridge crew joined the fight. Travis grabbed a Suliban by the throat and smashed his head against his console. T'Pol nerve-pinched another.

Trip leaped over the railing and ran toward Silik. Silik threw a punch and missed. Trip immediately threw him against the wall. "You bastard!" Trip hollered.

He set his weapon to kill and pressed it to Silik's forehead. 

"Stop!"

Trip ignored the command. A beam shot past his arm and bore a hole in the wall, an inch from Silik's head. Silik saw the closeness and fainted.

Trip turned around. He saw an alien woman, not a Suliban. She had silver-white hair and two short horns protruding from her forehead. She aimed her weapon at him.

"Who the hell are you?" Trip growled. 

"I'm the one who can help your mate," she replied, calmly. "I can help, but I can't allow you to kill that Suliban. So, I am asking you to please drop your weapon."

Trip reluctantly complied. He angrily threw his weapon to the floor. He looked around him. He saw all the Suliban that had occupied the bridge splayed across the floor. Some were dead and others unconscious. Each of the bridge crew looked at the other. The energy had gone and silence remained. In the corner, Archer held a trembling Hoshi.

Trip made his way to her. He wanted to hold her, but she shrunk back from him, instead, clinging to Jon more so.


	18. Chapter 18: Save My Tears

**Chapter Eighteen: Save My Tears**

Hoshi lay on the biobed, eyes closed and fingers entwined with Trip's. He sat on a stool next to her. Doctor Phlox had spent hours scanning her body and conducting tests.

Phlox placed a comforting hand on Trip's shoulder. "I'll be taking a short break." He decided it was best to give them some time alone, knowing the inevitable. 

Trip sat silently and stroked Hoshi's hair and face. No matter what, she still looked beautiful to him. He thought of the conversation in Archer's ready room.

-----

"_Who are you?" Archer asked the alien._

"I am Nevilka from the planet, Oknashta. I am a rebel. Our species have long been in alliance with the Suliban. We help them make biological weapons and they help us by paying our planet the money we need to thrive. Throughout the years, there has been a small group fighting against our government. Recently, I've joined them. Our mission is to destroy the science labs that create these viruses."

"Why?" Trip asked. "Why help destroy your planet?"

"I am not destroying my planet," Nevilka said, disgusted. "It is wrong to put a disease into **anyone**. I lost my father to an 'experiment' and I shall not see anyone else die to something that was not deserved."

"Where are the rest of you?" Malcolm asked. "Surely there must be more rebels. Where are they?"

"A few weeks ago," Nevilka answered, "we were successful in destroying a new lab built on Oknashta, where they created the virus that was shot into your officer. My friends were piling into our getaway vehicle. I was the last to board because I was trying to lock down the security gate, so no more could escape the burning building. When I turned, the vehicle exploded and I was thrown a few feet away. I watched in horror as my friends died. I was the only one left." 

"I am so sorry for your loss," Archer consoled.

"The memory is my impetus. I travel alone. This time, I keep tabs on the Suliban."

"Why did you stop me from killing, Silik?" Trip asked, bitterly.

"Commander, you must control yourself," T'Pol said.

Trip turned to Archer. "We let them go, Captain. We let Silik and what was left of his crew go! And now Hoshi is stuck in sickbay with a virus that we have no idea about! We don't even know if there's a cure!"

"Killing the leader of the Suliban would not have solved anything," Nevilka said. "I am sorry that your mate was affected, but I assure you that I will help. I wanted the Suliban released because, this way, I can still keep an eye on them. If my government knows that the Suliban are no longer their primary customer, they'll turn to someone else. I've kept watch over these two species for many years and know how they work. And I am not letting my biggest plan fail because you couldn't control yourself."

"Because some of the Suliban are free, they'll warn your government. They could even be after us as of this moment!"

"They'll do no such thing because Silik is too prideful to even mention that his little ruse failed!" Nevilka shouted back.

"Enough!" Archer cut in. "This is not helping my officer who is in sickbay, wasting away, because of some egotistical governments and asshole individuals!"

"Sorry, Captain," Trip and Nevilka apologized.

"Now, how will you help us?" Archer asked Nevilka.

"I have a plan, but I need some tactical assistance."

"I can be of use in that area," Malcolm said.

"I'm helping, too," Trip added.

"We are all in this, together, Trip," Archer said. "We're going to help Hoshi and bring her back to us."

-----

"Trip," Hoshi whispered. She held his hand that stroked her face and he stilled. "I'm dying, aren't I?"

He shook his head. "We're gonna save you. You're gonna live because you have to." 

She pressed her cheek to his hand. "Save my tears…and if anything should happen, always remember this." She placed a kiss in his palm.


	19. Chapter 19: Plan

**Chapter Nineteen: Plan**

"Here is a blueprint of the largest and remaining science lab in Oknashta. This is the only place where they store all the antidotes to the viruses they produce," Nevilka said.

"That's a gigantic building," Malcolm said, looking at the blueprint.

Nevilka pointed to two areas. "This is the only entrance, and this is the only exit. They are both heavily guarded."

"How are we supposed to get in and outta there, unharmed?" Trip asked. 

"Simple. All we need are a few grenades, bombs, and phase pistols."

"We're going in there by force?" Malcolm asked.

"Yes," Nevilka answered matter-of-factly. "What's the matter? I thought for sure an armory officer would think this plan is wonderful. It was the routine of my companions and me." 

"This is a government-funded project. If they find out Enterprise was involved, they'll declare an all out war against our ship…or even humanity. We could even lose our strongest ally—the Vulcans."

"My government will not know that Enterprise was involved. Not if we go according to our plan. My mission is to destroy every last one of those abominable buildings. And once we get the antidote to Hopsvirn—"

"Is that what it's called?" Trip cut in. "What does that virus do?" Although Trip asked, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Its better you not know. We _will_ get this antidote and you _will_ be with your mate again."

Trip finally registered that Nevilka always spoke of Hoshi as his mate. He chuckled. "Well, she ain't exactly my mate, right now."

"I thought…"

"She's someone I care about deeply," Trip said. "Someone we _all_ care about."

"Ahem." Malcolm cleared his throat. "I see that we've got everything settled. I should get the weapons together and, Nevilka, I want you to prepare every little detail we might need to know for tomorrow. And you, Trip, should be seeing Hoshi in sickbay."

Trip smiled; he was reminded of what he had planned.


	20. Chapter 20: Jiemia

**Chapter Twenty: Jiemia**

Trip led Hoshi into the mess hall. "Tada!" he said, removing his hands from her eyes.

Hoshi's mouth opened but she didn't say a word.

Trip frowned. "You don't like it?"

"No, I…I do. It's beautiful." She turned to him. "Where did all these roses come from?" There were red roses in clear vases on every table. She circled and said, "It's like being in a sea of crimson color."

"I had them stored for you a month ago. It was actually for another special occasion, but this is special enough." He walked to a vase and plucked a single rose from the bunch. He bowed and handed the rose to Hoshi. She sniffed its scent. Trip watched her; his heart almost breaking. She was so pale, almost transparent.

"Let's have a seat, darling," he said, guiding them to a table. He started to hunt through his denim pockets. "Here it is," he said. He took Hoshi's left hand in his.

"What are you doing?" Hoshi asked, jerking back her hand.

"Hoshi," Trip began. "You're an amazing person. You're beautiful—"

"Trip," she stopped him.

"Let me continue." He took her hand again. "You're a beautiful person. Not just because you are but because you're brave, smart, caring, and I could go on forever."

He looked into her eyes. "And because you're this beautiful person…I love you. I love the way your face lights up and you smile when someone compliments you. And the way you look at me, like now, that makes me feel I'm someone special." He quickly slipped the ring on her ring finger. "I want you to have this."

Hoshi pulled her hand away and examined the ring. It was thin, designed with leaves around. She stared at the center and realized there was the shape of a bird. "Where did you get this?"

"On Horienzi. I think the storekeeper called it a Jiemia ring. He said it was a symbol of…love."

"Jiemia," Hoshi whispered. She started to tremble.

"Are you cold?" he asked, alarmed.

"No…I'm fine. It's perfect. Everything is perfect. The roses, this ring…this moment."

"Well, that's not all." He snapped his fingers and the lights dimmed. He got up and extended his arm to Hoshi. "I do believe you had saved a dance for me."

"We can't forget that," Hoshi said, playfully.

They slow danced around the tables; Trip's hand on her back, Hoshi's head on his shoulder.

"Tell me a story," she said.

"What would you like to hear?"

"Anything, as long as I can still hear your voice."

"Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far, away…"


	21. Chapter 21: Alone

**Chapter Twenty-One: Alone**

"We should be safe here," Nevilka said. They had landed on Oknashta ten minutes ago. Enterprise hid itself far enough from military sensors. "It's best that we wait till sunset. It'll be less commotion then."

She walked back into the shuttle. 

Trip and Malcolm began preparing the itinerary.

"How are you?" Malcolm asked Trip.

"Been better." 

"Everything will be fine. We'll get that antidote and save Hoshi from that bloody virus." Malcolm grinned. "Maybe even blow up some valuable things."

Trip laughed and patted Malcolm on the shoulder.

-----

Oknashta, Trip admitted, really was a beautiful planet. It was too bad he wouldn't have time to enjoy it. There was only one reason _Enterprise_ had any interest here. He walked to the nearby lake and was surprised at the rich darkness. Trip thought it was a beautiful black; it reminded him of Hoshi's hair. He splashed his face with the water. 

"_Hurry and make a wish!"_

"Oh…my…" 

"Did you make your wish?"

"Trip. That was absolutely beautiful. I've never seen shooting stars that close before."

"You haven't answered my question. Did you make your wish?"

"Yes. You?"

"Hoshi, I don't need a shooting star to make a wish. I already have one. You." 

He splashed another handful of water on his face. Trip walked back to the landing area and heard a scream. He ran to the shuttle, Malcolm behind him.

Nevilka was hysteric. Trip rushed to her and she backed away against a corner.

"It's alright," Trip said, calmly, holding up his hands to show he meant no harm. "You're safe."

Nevilka calmed down and she stared at Trip. "What happened?"

"Exactly what we would like to know," Malcolm said.

"We heard you screaming," Trip said, helping her to stand.

"I had a bad dream," Nevilka mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Trip assured. "We all get nightmares."

Malcolm exited the shuttle.

Nevilka suddenly cried and buried her head in Trip's chest. He was caught off guard but gently held her.

She realized she was in his arms and stepped away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." She wiped her face and avoided looking at him.

"Hey." He lifted her face to look at him. "It helps to talk."

She looked away. "I've always had the same dream where I see my friends' blow-up in our getaway vehicle. It's so vivid. I still hurt." She turned to him. "It hurts to know I'm alone."

Trip wanted so much to comfort her. He thought of how awful it would feel to be alone on a lifelong mission. Was he ever alone? Even when stranded 'alone' he always had someone with him.

"It's time," Malcolm said, walking into the shuttle.


	22. Chapter 22: A Vial of Hopsvirn

**Chapter Twenty-Two: A Vial of Hopsvirn**

"You didn't have to kill them," Trip said, running behind Nevilka. He alternately fired behind them.

The three were running through the hallways, dodging laser beams.

"They were only security," Nevilka stated. "Here," she threw a phase pistol at Trip. He fired behind them again with pistols on each hand. 

"Trip's right," Malcolm said, also firing behind them. "We only had to stun them."

"I will do as I please. Those bastards killed my friends. It's called payback."

They rounded a corner and ran into the open hatchway. Nevilka slammed her hand on the green button inside and the door swished closed. "Besides…they would have woken up sooner or later and immediately reported us," she said, breathlessly.

Trip studied her; she had a dark personality he couldn't begin to comprehend. What was it about being alone that could make a person angry? Trip had never been alone, the way Nevilka had, in his life; but he figured he would never want to find out.

"This is it," Nevilka said, aiming her pistol at another closed hatch. She fired multiple shots and the door blasted open.

"What is this!" a voice from within shouted, coughing from the debris. An alarm went off and red lights flashed.

Nevilka walked inside and stepped over a dead body. "We've come to take what we need." She smirked.

She aimed her weapon at a particular Oknashtian, while Trip and Malcolm trained theirs on the remaining two.

"Where is the Hopsvirn antidote?" she asked, coldly.

"Oh, Nevilka," the Oknashtian cooed. "How is your father? Haven't seen him in a…while."

"Sick bastard!" Nevilka spat. "I didn't come here to play games. Give me the antidote or else I'll bore two holes into your black heart," she barked.

"Nevilka…after _everything_ I've done for you. Why don't you give your Uncle a hug?" He smiled menacingly.

"Shut up!" She tightened her grip on her pistol.

His expression changed. "I always thought you were a spoiled **brat**."

Suddenly, a circle of laser beams entrapped Nevilka, Trip, and Malcolm.

"What the bloody hell is this!" Malcolm snarled.

Trip almost rushed through the beams.

"No!" Nevilka shouted. 

"That's right, human." The Oknashtian laughed. "You would have…well…let's just say it wouldn't have been a lovely sight to see. He turned to the other two Oknashtians. "Get me the syringe. Our lab just received three more rats."

"There's just one thing I have to say to you…_Uncle_," she said the last word with suppressed contempt.

"What's that?" He came closer, wanting to gloat over his victory.

Nevilka smiled and whispered, "How do you like being fried?" Instantly, she put her hand through the open space between two beams and grabbed him.

He screamed and his body went into convulsions. Nevilka held on to him. The laser beams finally disintegrated. She let go of him and watched as he fell to the ground, groaning. His body was burnt and boils surfaced.

The last two Oknashtians trembled, backing away.

"Do you know what happens to disgusting scientists like you?" she asked.

They shook their heads. "Please," one pleaded, "I have a family."

"You should have thought about that before you destroyed mine!" She shot them both and they collapsed to the floor.

Nevilka turned to Trip and Malcolm. "Let's get the antidote and go," she ordered. 

They silently searched.

"I've found it!" Malcolm exclaimed, holding a vile.

"Are you sure?" Trip asked.

"Well it says, 'Hopsvirn' on the label, so I figured it was the antidote."

"Oh."

A loud bang sounded outside. They all turned. "It's more security," Nevilka said.

They took cover behind the blown up door.

The outside door opened.

"Fire!" Nevilka shouted.

A few Oknashtian securities fell. The three ran passed the bodies, continuing to fire. They alternately covered for each other. 

"There's the exit," Nevilka gasped.

They were close to the doors and Malcolm suddenly yelped. He fell behind. Nevilka and Trip quickly picked him up, his arms on their shoulders, as they half-dragged him outside.

"What are you doing?" Trip asked.

Nevilka threw three grenades back into exit of the building. "I've been leaving these behind the whole way. This is my last target. Now, run!"

They grabbed hold of Malcolm and ran as far as they could.

Behind them, the laboratory exploded on all sides. The blast threw them off their feet. They landed a few feet away.

-----

"Trip to Enterprise." 

"Enterprise here," Archer answered through the comm. 

"Captain, we've made it back to the shuttle, and we have the antidote. I'm sending Malcolm with it."

"What?" Malcolm looked at Trip and grimaced at the pain in his leg.

Trip ignored him. "The Lieutenant's been injured and it's best to get him to sickbay sooner. Could you beam him up through the transporter?"

"Alright," Archer said.

"Trip," Malcolm said.

"Look, Malcolm, you need medical attention right away, and we need to get the antidote to Hoshi, right away." 

"We've got your location, Trip," Archer said.

"Okay." Malcolm sighed. He clasped Trip's hand. "I'll see you in a bit." He dematerialized.

Trip took a deep breath. He stepped outside of the shuttle and walked to Nevilka. She was looking into the horizon.

"I've forgotten how beautiful the sunrise is on my planet," she said, her back to him.

"We can't thank you enough for your help," Trip said.

She turned around, smiling. "Goodbyes are always hard."

They were silent for a moment.

"What's it like?" Trip asked. 

"What is?"

"Being alone. I mean, do you sometimes miss the company?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, but it's not really about being alone physically, Trip. People can be around other people and, yet, still feel alone. That's because each of us is alone in our own unique ways. What I've gone through in my life may not exactly be what you've gone through. That being the case, I stand alone. So do you."

Trip never thought of 'alone' that way before. Maybe she was right. He really looked at her and thought, for the first time, if he looked hard enough, he'd see Hoshi in her. "You know, it'll be kinda weird going back alone. I was thinking…you could join us."

"What?" Nevilka asked, surprised.

"Yeah, we could use someone with your skills. Although, the captain would have a fit with me recruiting and not speaking with him first, but…"

"Thank you," she said, quickly.

-----

Malcolm materialized in the transporter bay. A crewman helped him to stand up.

"Don't worry about me," Malcolm said. "Just get this to sickbay." Malcolm handed the vial to him.

-----

"Come on, Trip," Archer said to himself.

"Sir," Travis said, from the helm.

"What is it?"

Travis shook his head. "I…this can't be…" He froze.

"Ensign," Archer said, annoyed.

Travis turned to him, his eyes full of…fear. 

Archer suddenly felt a dreadful feeling.

"The shuttle…" Travis stuttered. "Sensors no longer detect it." 

"What do you mean?" Archer rushed to the helm. He stared at the screen. Travis was right. "T'Pol, I want you to hail Trip."

"T'Pol to shuttlepod three, do you hear me? Shuttlepod three? This is Sub-Commander T'Pol."

The bridge was dead-silent.

"…_the vehicle exploded…"_

Archer's mind repeated the words that Nevilka spoke. 

"There's no life sign," Travis said, softly.

"…_the vehicle exploded…"_

-----

Malcolm sat on a biobed near Hoshi. He watched in horror as she went into seizure. He wanted to be right at her side, doing something, rather than sitting on a biobed; if it weren't for his stupid leg.

Doctor Phlox quickly put several drops of the antidote into a hypospray. He steadied her with one arm and injected the antidote into her neck. 

Malcolm gulped. He hoped this would work. It had to work. 


	23. Chapter 23: Recovery

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Recovery**

Archer sat in his chair, observing his bridge crew. It had been three days since…he couldn't even bear to think of it. There was no funeral procession or excessive mourning, only a simple statement; a statement that he himself found very hard to give. But, as the captain, he had to. It was a statement mentioning the unfortunate and announcing the promotion of Lieutenant Hubbert. If anything, Archer did not want to be in the lieutenant's shoes at the moment.

He watched Hoshi and remembered when she was coming to, slowly healing from the virus. He entered sickbay, bearing news he wished he didn't have. She turned away from him then, and he wanted so much to hear something, if even an angry shout; anything, to know how she felt.

"Damn!"

Archer broke from his thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"It's my console, sir. It doesn't seem to be functioning properly." 

"Maybe we should get Lieutenant Hubbert—" The second he mentioned the lieutenant's name, Archer wished he could take it back.

"No," Hoshi said, abruptly. "I think I can handle this myself." She hit her console a few times.

"I believe that is enough, Ensign. Take a break," T'Pol said from her station.

Hoshi glared at T'Pol. "Are you saying I can't do my job?"

"I merely meant that with all the…stress you've been under, you deserve much needed rest."

"I assure you, Sub-Commander, I am capable of doing my job."

"As the Science Officer, I know what is needed."

"How _dare_ you shove your pompous attitude in my face," Hoshi snapped. "I don't **need** any of your stupid, and I mean stupid, advice. Just because you stay on a starship full of humans does not make you able to judge what we need or don't need—"

"Enough!" Archer cut in. "Hoshi, you are dismissed from the bridge." She looked at him in disbelief. "That's an order, Ensign."

Hoshi walked to the lift. He knew she was angry; but he didn't know how to help her. Wasn't this the reason protocols refused officers to become involved with each other?


	24. Chapter 24: Why?

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Why?**

Hoshi's door chimed, but she didn't answer. She didn't want to see anyone.

"I know you're in there, Hoshi," Travis said, on the other side of the door. "Please, just open the door," he pleaded.

She ignored him.

"When you're ready to talk, you know where to find me," he said.

-----

Hoshi's door chimed again.

"Travis," she growled. She opened her door. "I'm not in the mood—"

"Ensign," T'Pol said.

"If you came here to hear an apology…don't waste your time."

"I came to offer my assistance."

Hoshi's eyes narrowed. "I already told you. I don't need help."

"It would be best for you to allow me in your quarters."

"Fine." Hoshi knew T'Pol wouldn't back down. She stepped to the side and T'Pol walked in.

"It is very hard for humans to deal with a loss." T'Pol held her hand up before Hoshi could say a rebuttal. "Sit." She moved Hoshi's desk chair and motioned for her to sit.

Hoshi complied. T'Pol sat on the floor, in front of her, with her legs folded. "What are you doing?" Hoshi asked.

"Breathe," T'Pol said.

"I said—" 

"Trust me," T'Pol interjected.

Reluctantly, Hoshi inhaled, and then exhaled. She closed her eyes.

"Try to concentrate on your last memories of…"

T'Pol's voice faded into the background.

"_So, Hoshi, when are we gonna dance?"_

"…they both wasted time being so stubborn about loving each other. I mean, he could have outright told her how he felt, and she didn't have to run away from what she felt." 

"You're not another fling. You're real."

"Just a little something to celebrate our three month anniversary." 

"We're gonna save you. You're gonna live because you have to."

The memories were too much for Hoshi. "_No_," she whispered.

T'Pol stood and held Hoshi's hands. "What is the matter?"

Hoshi pushed her away. "Stop it! Just stop!"

"Ensign, I apologize—"

"Why are you torturing me like this!" Hoshi opened her door. "Get out!" 

-----

Hoshi's door swished open.

"Captain." Hoshi jumped back, surprised at the intrusion. He didn't even bother to ring her bell.

"How are you doing?" he asked, softly.

"You tell me. Everyone else seems to think they know."

"I know you're going through a lot, emotionally. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do."

"You've done enough."

"We're a family, Hoshi. When one hurts, we all hurt. There will never be enough that we can give each other. This is your friend, Jon, speaking. Not captain, or superior officer; just Jon. Ask me anything, tell me anything, and I'll do what I can."

Hoshi looked at him and shook her head. "What I want you can't give me."

He opened his arms to hug her and she stepped back.

"I need some time alone, Jon." 

-----

Hoshi walked into sickbay.

"Ah, Ensign," Phlox greeted. "How are you?"

"Fine." 

"What is it I can do for you?"

"I need an antidote."

"Are you ill?"

"I…I need something that will help me sleep. I've been restless for some nights."

"Nothing I have can help you."

"Please, Doctor," she begged. "I can't sleep, I keep thinking…" 

"What do you keep thinking?"

She looked away. "I keep thinking how it's my fault…my fault that…he died." Her mouth trembled. "Help me," she whispered.

He sighed. "It wasn't your fault; nobody's fault. There's really no reason to put such a burden on yourself."

"Then why do I feel this way?"

"I think the question should be: why haven't you cried?"

"What?"

"It's been a well-known truth that it's the best medicine."

"I…don't know." She felt numb, emotionless, like she wasn't there. She turned to walk out of sickbay.

"By the way," Phlox called, "I believe you forgot something the last time you were here." 

Slowly, she turned around and froze.

"_Hoshi._ _You're an amazing person. You're beautiful—"_

"Trip." 

In the palm of Doctor Phlox's hand lay the ring Trip had given her.

"Where did you find it?"

"_Let me continue. You're a beautiful person. Not just because you are but because you're brave, smart, caring, and I could go on forever."_

"It was on the floor," Phlox answered. "You must have accidentally dropped it."

Hoshi remembered. The moment Jon broke the news, the ring slipped from her hands.

"_And because you're this beautiful person…I love you."_

She walked to Phlox and took the ring from his hand.

"_I want you to have this."_

She put the ring back on her finger. "It's not fair."

"What's not fair?" Phlox asked. 

"Why did he have to love me? _Why?_"

Hoshi could feel the tears in her eyes and she made no effort to suppress them. Helplessly, she crumpled to the floor.

_It hurts to know that you lost the one you love and, at the same time, that you never confessed your love._

"Why didn't I tell him I loved him, too?" The tears flowed.

Doctor Phlox sat next to her and held her. He felt for her; the disbelief, anger, frustration, and sadness; it all boiled down to emptiness.


	25. Chapter 25: Friends

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Friends**

"Is anyone sitting here?" Hoshi asked, timidly.

Travis looked to his right and then to his left. Clearly, there was no one else sitting with him. "Nope."

She set her tray down and sat. He didn't speak to her and Hoshi felt dreadful. Silently, she ate her lunch.

"Travis?" she finally asked.

He only slightly lifted his head from his own food in response.

"I…I'm sorry," she said.

He lifted his head completely and looked at her. "Best friends don't shut each other out."

"I know, but—"

"Best friends _talk_ to each other." 

"Travis…"

"Best friends **listen** to each other."

"I'm listening!" she said, exasperated. 

"No, _I'm_ listening."

She stared at him and smiled. "You always do."

"So, talk."

----- 

"Sub-Commander, wait!"

T'Pol placed her arm between the lift doors before they could close.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Ensign?" she asked, when Hoshi rushed into the lift.

"I…want to apologize. My behavior toward you…it was uncalled for."

"You are right."

Hoshi's mouth opened, but she shut it before she said anything else she would later regret.

"However, there is no need to apologize," T'Pol continued. "You were under stressful circumstances. Although, I sincerely hope in the future you will learn to control such erratic…outbursts."

"I promise."

"It is pleasant to see you smiling again."

Hoshi smirked. "It's just pleasant to see you too, T'Pol."

-----

"Come." 

Hoshi entered Archer's ready room. "Hi, Jon." 

"Hoshi," Archer said, rubbing his eyes. He placed his PADD on the table and yawned. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came to say that you were right."

"Right?" he asked.

"Yeah. Remember when you called me and…Trip, here?" She still had difficulty saying his name without feeling pain.

"Yes."

"I was thinking…you were right all along. I promised that whatever happened between us would stay between us, but it hasn't. I almost created a negative atmosphere on your ship. It wasn't right."

"Hoshi. I wish I wasn't right. But, at the same time, I'm not right. Trip, he was my best friend. I miss him, as much as you and anyone else."

Hoshi suddenly realized how selfish she had been. She wasn't the only one affected by his death.

"You haven't hindered Enterprise from anything," Archer continued. "Just as you were willing to sacrifice your life for me, Trip did the same for you, for all of us. And, instead of shrinking back down, you've become more dedicated to your work here."

"Thank you," she said.

"As much as we'd like things to be differently, life eventually has to go on."

She looked away, briefly, and inhaled. "I know."


	26. Chapter 26: A Way with Words

**Chapter Twenty-Six: A Way** **with Words**

"No, you're doing it all wrong! Here," Malcolm grabbed Hoshi's pistol and showed her the way to aim.

"I give up!" Hoshi said, frustrated.

"What?" Malcolm asked, startled.

"I've been practicing on how to hold this new pistol for half-an-hour. Don't you think this is a bit much?" 

"Just a few more minutes."

"No…no…no!" She grabbed the weapon from him and pointed it directly at his heart. 

Malcolm froze. "What are you doing?"

"What's the matter, Malcolm? Scared?" she asked, boldly.

"Don't be ridiculous…Hoshi."

"I _do_ know how to use this. Even have the perfect aim."

"You couldn't shoot me," Malcolm said, softly. "You'd be court-martialed for doing so. I _am_ your superior officer."

Hoshi rolled her eyes. "You're so arrogant. But that still doesn't hide the fact that you get scared. Everyone has fears, Malcolm, including _you_. Tell me, what do you fear the most? Death?"

He stared into her eyes. "No, Hoshi. I don't fear death."

She was caught off guard with his gaze. Instantly, he snatched the pistol out of her hands.

Malcolm cupped Hoshi's cheek with his free hand. "What I fear most is hurting _you_."

His face inched closer, his eyes never leaving hers. He was about to kiss her. 

"Then why aren't you dead, instead of him?" Hoshi whispered, against his lips.

Stunned, Malcolm broke away from her.

Hoshi lightly shivered at the loss of warmth from the bodily contact.

"Your target practice is dismissed for the day," he said.

She quickly exited the armory.

Malcolm sighed and looked around. He was alone, once again. "You have a way with words, Hoshi."


	27. Chapter 27: Warmth

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Warmth**

Sweat glistened on Hoshi's body. She stepped off the treadmill and reached for her towel.

"Fancy meeting you here, Hoshi." 

Hoshi turned around and glanced at Malcolm. "Hello, Lieutenant."

"Why so formal, Hoshi? We _are_ off duty." He smiled easily. "In fact, I remember clearly, yesterday, you said my name with conviction while you aimed your pistol at me." 

"I'm sorry. I don't know…what came over me," Hoshi stuttered.

"You were still hurting. I do, too. He was my closest friend. I can't believe it's been six months." 

"Yeah," Hoshi said, softly, forgetting the towel still in her hands.

"So," Malcolm said, breaking the dreadful mood he had created, "I do believe we still had arrangements for your target practice _and_ self-defense."

Hoshi groaned. "No more sessions."

"You can't possibly think you can side-step me and my sessions."

"Why **yes** I can." Hoshi threw her towel at Malcolm's face.

"Oof," he grunted.

She ran to the gym's exit and almost made it. Suddenly, she was spun around.

"Is _that_ the best you can do?" Malcolm's arms were wrapped around her. He had her hands pinned to her back. "I knew you were getting rusty." He laughed. 

Hoshi leaned closer and whispered, "I could escape from you right here, right now. But that would result in my causing injury to a certain 'special' part of your body."

Malcolm blushed. "You would never hurt me, Hoshi."

"Fascinating!" 

Malcolm and Hoshi turned and saw Doctor Phlox, grinning. 

"Oh," Phlox said. "Don't mind me; carry on." He motioned for them to continue.

Hoshi looked at Malcolm and realized the compromising position they were in.

Malcolm released her and was disappointed at the loss of her warmth.

Hoshi exited the gym.

"Don't forget your practice session tomorrow!" Malcolm called after her.

"Whatever," he heard her mumble. He smirked.

"Now that I'm here," Phlox said. "Would you mind explaining this contraption to me, Lieutenant?"

Malcolm watched as the doctor set the adjustments on the treadmill.

"Oh, dear!"

The doctor ran off the machine.


	28. Chapter 28: Follower

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Follower**

"Captain."

"Yes, Travis."

"Our sensors are indicating something or _someone_, following us." 

"Are you sure?" Archer asked.

"They've been on this course for fifteen minutes, sir."

Archer turned to Malcolm. "Just in case, I want you to be ready to fire."

"Yes, sir."

"Captain, it seems we have a small spaceship on our tail," Travis said.

"Spaceship?"

Archer looked at Hoshi. "Hail them."

After a few seconds, "I can't, sir. There's no communication."

"Captain?" Travis interrupted, worried.

"What is it?"

"I think our follower has someone following it, too. And it looks…bigger." 

"Another starship?"

"I think so."

Suddenly, _Enterprise_ shook violently.

"We're being fired on!" Malcolm exclaimed. "Shall I engage the weapons?"

"Wait," Archer said. "Hoshi, hail the starship."

Another hit shook _Enterprise_. Frantically, Hoshi tried to contact the other starship. "I can't get through to them. They won't answer!"

The lights on the bridge began flickering.

"I don't usually attack before asking questions, but now's an exception. Lieutenant, fire those missiles!" Archer ordered.

"The other starship is retreating, sir," Travis said.

"We're receiving distress signals from the small spaceship," Hoshi broke in. "I think they were trying to escape from the other starship; probably why we were fired on."

"If anyone can answer my questions, it might as well be our follower. Travis, can you detect any biosigns?"

"Yes; there are two of them."

"Good." Archer smiled. "Hoshi, tell Lieutenant Hubbert to transport the two onto the ship, and have reinforcements, just in case."

"Is that wise, Captain?" T'Pol asked.

"We'll soon find out," Archer replied. "I _will_ get answers."

"Hubbert to Captain Archer."

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

Pause. "I think your presence in transporter bay is needed."

"Is there something I should know?"

"It's best you see for yourself, Captain." The lieutenant's voice was a bit shaky. 

Everyone looked at each other.

-----

Hoshi craned her neck and stretched as she walked to her quarters. 

"Hoshi."

"Uh…hi, Malcolm," she greeted. 

"You look a little stiff. Are you feeling well?" 

"Yeah." Hoshi smiled. "Today has just been hectic. We found someone following us, were attacked, transported aliens on board, and we still don't know what's going on."

"It is quite strange. Have you heard from the captain, yet?"

"Nope." 

They stopped outside Hoshi's room. "Well, I should head on inside and get some rest."

She turned and Malcolm gently grabbed her arm.

Hoshi paused and looked at him. "That's becoming a trademark move."

"Um…sorry…I just…I wanted…to ask you…"

"Malcolm," Hoshi stopped him. "I would love to."

"But you don't even know what I'm about to ask."

Hoshi sighed. "I would love to attend whatever or wherever you're inviting me to."

He took a deep breath. "Tonight. Movie." He exhaled.

Hoshi smiled, amused. "I can hardly wait."

Hoshi keyed in her access code and stepped into her room. "Oh, my god." She gasped and backed into her wall.

Malcolm heard her and rushed inside. "Hoshi, are you alright?" Her face looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

Slowly, he turned in the direction she wouldn't take her eyes off. Malcolm froze.


	29. Chapter 29: Return

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Return**

"Hi, Hoshi…Malcolm."

"Trip," Malcolm said. He rushed to Trip. Both men clasped hands and hugged. Malcolm laughed happily. "What? How? When?"

"I'm alive," Trip said, simply. 

"Yes, I see that. But how?"

"Trip," Hoshi uttered.

Malcolm and Trip gazed at Hoshi.

She walked to Trip. Her hands touched his face and she closed her eyes, remembering his features. "You're _alive_," she said with disbelief.

"Yes." Trip grabbed her fingers and placed a gentle kiss on them. "I'm alive, Hoshi."

She was about to kiss him but he backed away. She looked at him, shocked.

"I…I'm married," he said.

"_Married?_"

This time, she backed away from him. He came closer to her. "Hoshi…" 

"No," she stuttered. "You stay the hell away from me!" 

She ran out of her room.


	30. Chapter 30: Lost Love

**Chapter Thirty: Lost Love**

She had been roaming the corridors, not knowing where to go. Trip was alive. But he was married. The thoughts played over and over in her mind. She didn't know which hurt the most; when Trip was dead or alive.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Hoshi looked up. "Hoshi, what's wrong?" Travis asked.

"Trip…he's alive."

"What!"

"He was in my quarters." 

"That's wonderful. But…how?"

"I…don't know." She shook her head. "All I know is that he's married. He's married."

"Come on," Travis said, putting his arm around her. "I'm listening."

-----

"So," Travis began. He took a bite of his cheesecake. "What are you doing to do?"

Hoshi stared at her own piece. "I really don't know."

They were in Travis' quarters; eating the cheesecake he snuck out of the mess hall, last night.

"Well, do you still love him?"

"It's complicated. When I saw him…I couldn't believe it. All these emotions rushed back to me. But…things are different, now that he's back."

"Want some advice?" Travis asked.

"What?"

"Move. On." Travis punctuated both words.

"How? I mean, I never really fell out of love with him."

Travis shrugged. "It's up to you. I mean, you actually _did_ move on when we all thought he was dead."

Hoshi thought for a moment.

"If you don't, Trip's 'welcome back' present from me will be his ass whuppin'."

Hoshi laughed. "Okay, Travis. I get the picture."

"Are you going to eat the rest of that cheesecake?"

"No." She pushed her slice to him. "You can have it. I should get going…I have something to take care of." She kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, Travi."

Travis rolled his eyes at the affectionate nickname. "Uhmm."

----- 

"Hoshi," Malcolm said, surprised. He stood at his doorway, shirtless. "What are you doing here? Are you alright?" 

Hoshi smiled. "I'm fine, Malcolm." She crossed her arms. "I hope you didn't forget our date, tonight. The movie should be starting in fifteen minutes."

Malcolm slapped his forehead. "I'm sorry…I thought you wouldn't…"

"Hold on a minute," Hoshi interrupted. "We had a date, and I'm ready for it. Are you standing me up?"

Malcolm was taken aback. "No, I'm not. Hold on." He quickly grabbed a t-shirt and put it on.

-----

Hoshi struggled to hold up a very sickly-looking Malcolm, as they exited the mess.

"Next time," Malcolm gasped, "remind me to know exactly what movie will be showing."

"What was wrong with _Jaws_?" 

"Uh…you see…I have this fear…**big** fear…of water," he confessed.

"I thought your biggest fear was hurting me." She jokingly put a hand on her hip.

Malcolm gulped.

"That's okay." Hoshi grinned, wickedly. "I'll make sure you don't go off the _deep_ end. In fact, when I'm through with you, you'll make a _splashing_ recovery." 

Malcolm groaned. "Please, no puns."

Hoshi laughed. "Just…couldn't…help myself."

They arrived at Hoshi's quarters. She punched in her code and the door swiftly opened. She grabbed Malcolm by the collar and kissed him. They stumbled into her room and she broke away for a second. "Make love to me, Malcolm," she said, against his mouth.

Malcolm lifted her and carried her to her bed.

-----

"Hey, Hoshi."

She didn't want to turn around, to acknowledge him. She just wanted some time to herself. But she should have known that he'd find her in the mess; he did before. "I thought I told you to stay away from me."

It had been a week since Trip's return. Captain Archer had announced to the crew the situation. Trip and his wife, Nevilka, had been given jobs; his, back in engineering, hers, in the armory. Hoshi had seen Nevilka on some occasions, but she had no intention of getting to know her. Although, she thought she was quite beautiful; she had long silvery-white hair, light-gray eyes, dark skin, and two short horns protruding from her forehead. 

"I could never do that," he said.

She turned around and glared at him. "But you did!"

He jumped from her outburst.

"I thought you were dead. So many nights I'd come here…wishing and hoping…believing…that you would be here. I lived in a fantasy world. Then I stopped. I knew I had to move on. And I did."

He silently looked at her.

"I…I moved on because I had to. You…moved on because you _wanted_ to."

"Hoshi," he began, slowly shaking his head.

"You got yourself a good one; Nevilka's beautiful. What was it about her that you found so attractive? Her body? Eyes? Or maybe it was her horns…you always wanted a—"

"Leave her outta this," Trip cut in.

Hoshi ignored him. "What was it?"

"Her spirit."

"Spirit?"

"She always had…_has_…your spirit, your spunk. All that time I was gone, she reminded me, everyday, of _you_."

Hoshi suddenly looked away, uncomfortable. "It's late. I should get to bed."

"But I thought we could talk."

"Why?"

"I've missed you; everything about you."

"I've missed you, too."

"Friends?" Trip asked, timidly.

"Always," Hoshi replied.

He opened his arms and Hoshi went to him. They hugged each other. Hoshi listened to his heartbeat. Trip listened to her steady breathing. For old time's sake.


	31. Chapter 31: Impact

**Chapter Thirty-One: Impact**

"Hello." 

Hoshi looked up from her meal.

"May I join you?" Nevilka asked.

"Sure," Hoshi answered, trying her best to smile enthusiastically.

"I haven't had the chance to get to know you," Nevilka said, sitting next to Hoshi.

Hoshi had only learned that Nevilka was the reason she was saved from her virus, and that she was married to Trip. "What would you like to know?"

"Well, I've learned that you are a very talented communications officer."

"Thank you," Hoshi said. 

Nevilka looked at her, puzzled. "You needn't thank me for a true compliment."

"No," Hoshi shook her head, "I mean, _thank you_ for saving my life…before."

Nevilka finally understood. "Ah…well, your welcome. But that is in the past."

"…yeah, the past."

"Do you know my native tongue?" Nevilka asked, changing the subject.

"Bits and pieces, but nothing I can wholly put together."

"I'll teach you, if you don't mind."

"Okay. But what's the catch?"

Nevilka lowered her head. "How did you know I would want something in return?"

Hoshi shrugged. "It's my duty to read between the lines."

"I…wanted to do something special for Trip. He's done so much for me. I thought…since you and him were…together before, you would know his likes and dislikes."

Nevilka's voice faded into the background.

"_Pecan pie._ _Why am I not surprised?" _

"Hey, there's other things besides pecan pie. See, here's pumpkin pie, lemon meringue pie, and strawberry cheesecake." 

"They're all sweets."

"I figured it would be appropriate for such a sweet day."

"Trip's a great husband, but he doesn't seem to know how to be romantic," Nevilka said.

Hoshi snapped out of her daze. "His favorite dessert is pecan pie, and he absolutely loves Southern foods, mostly fried. His favorite color is white; he said it reminded him of the sheet that covered his grandma's body when she died. I could tell you more, later."

"Thank you, Hoshi." Nevilka smiled. "Trip…doesn't talk much about his family with me."

Hoshi ate the rest of her food in silence. "How did you learn English?" she finally asked.

"When I was in the Oknashtian rebel group, there was a human. We were friends and then he became my lover. He taught me his native tongue and about some of the human culture. We were going to marry…but…"

"Does Trip remind you of your love?"

"Yes, in some ways, he does." 

-----

"Archer to Sato."

Hoshi slept peacefully.

"Hoshi."

She groaned and tossed in her bed.

"Hoshi!"

She bolted up. The ship shook hard and she fell off her bed. She scrambled to the comm. "Sato here."

"Hoshi," Archer said. "I want you on the bridge, pronto!"

Hoshi quickly put on her uniform, she didn't bother to pin up her hair, and ran to the lift.

----- 

Hoshi rushed onto the bridge. "Captain."

"The starship that attacked us, before, is back. This time, I want you to enforce contact with them."

"I'll see what I can do." 

"Malcolm, in case we can't make peaceful negotiations, I want you to proceed with the plan."

Malcolm nodded at Archer, and Hoshi looked at them. What did she not know?

"Jerfhdl funasf difedlk edked!" The Oknashtian man screamed, on the screen. 

"What is he saying?" Archer asked.

"From what I know so far…he's looking for someone."

"Captain!" Trip ran onto the bridge.

"Trip, I told you to stay put!" Archer said.

The Oknashtian suddenly closed all communication with _Enterprise_.

"Damn!" Trip cursed.

"That's it. We're putting our plan in action." Archer said.

"What _plan_?" Hoshi asked. "What is it that you all are not telling me?"

"In case we were to be attacked again, we decided we'd be ready to defend ourselves." Archer explained. 

"We have more company," Travis said. "There's another starship."

Another hit shook the ship and caused Trip to collide into Hoshi.

"I'm losing control of the ship, Captain," Travis said.

"Hoshi, I want you to send out distress signals to any nearby starship. We need help." Archer looked at T'Pol. "Are you up for this?"

"I'm ready, Captain," T'Pol answered.

"I'm losing the ship. We're going to crash!"

"Travis, I have every confidence in you that you'll keep us safe," Archer said. "Is there anywhere to land?"

"Yes. A planet about three minutes away. But I don't know if we'll make it."

"Travis, we will." 

Nevilka rushed onto the bridge.

"Nevilka, you're not supposed to be here!" Trip exclaimed.

"This is my fault. You shouldn't have to go through this," she said, scared. 

"We are falling fifty meters," T'Pol said.

Archer spoke through the comm. "This is your captain. We are under attack and will be crash landing on a nearby planet. The armory officers are ordered to their stations. Lieutenant Reed will provide you with further instructions."

To the rest of the bridge crew, he said, "Everyone, follow me, to the armory. Travis, Hoshi, and Nevilka, you stay here."

"Captain," Trip said.

"Trip, this has gone far enough. I listened to you, and that was my fault. You'd better pray that we make it out alive."

One by one, they exited the bridge.

"Take care, love," Malcolm said to Hoshi before he left.

"Brace yourselves; we're going to have a bumpy landing." Travis tried his best to control the ship's landing, hoping he would keep them from exploding with the impact.


	32. Chapter 32: Honor

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Honor**

_Enterprise_ screeched as it came to a halt on the planet. Hoshi and Nevilka held on, tight, to consoles, until their knuckles turned white.

The ship finally stopped.

"You did it, Travis!" Hoshi rushed to him.

Travis let out a deep breath. "Yeah, I did."

"I already sent out distress messages," Hoshi said.

Nevilka scanned the bridge. "What do we do now?" she asked. She had always been the hunter, not the hunted.

"We need to make sure the bridge is closed off from any intruders." Travis walked to the lift.  
The doors opened and a crewmember fell out. Travis caught the man and realized he was dead. "What the…?"

Travis laid the crewman to the side. Suddenly, a Suliban appeared. Travis instinctively punched the Suliban. He was about to punch again, but his arms were pulled.

Two Oknashtians held Travis. The Suliban returned punches to Travis.

Travis coughed. The Suliban almost punched him again, but screamed. Travis saw the Suliban on the floor, his neck twisted.

Nevilka smirked at the Oknashtians. They grabbed their sides for their pistols and noticed their weapons were gone. They threw Travis across the bridge. 

Instantly, Nevilka kicked their faces.

One Oknashtian turned when he felt a tap on his shoulders. He was greeted with Hoshi's fists, her hands together. The other pushed Hoshi against the wall.

Nevilka was about to help Hoshi but tripped when the other Oknashtian, Hoshi punched, grabbed her leg. She lifted herself and rotated her body. She swung her other leg and kicked the alien again, in the face. He rolled over unconscious.

The Oknashtian, who had Hoshi pinned, pulled out a knife and was about to slice her throat. He was pulled around. Before Nevilka could punch him, he instantly plunged the knife into her chest.  
Hoshi gasped and she and Nevilka looked at each other with wide eyes. Hoshi took the phase pistols she discarded earlier and shot the Oknashtian. She shot him, again and again. He groaned and turned to face her. She shot him in the face.

Hoshi rushed to Nevilka and knelt beside her. "Lie still, I'll get help."

"No," Nevilka said, her voice raspy. "Please, don't leave."

"You're going to die if I don't get help."

"I know." Nevilka gulped. "I'm dying anyway."

"What?" 

"Just…remove…the blade," Nevilka ground out.

Hoshi took a deep breath. She quickly pulled the blade out and Nevilka screamed.

Hoshi looked at her hands, filled with blood. 

Nevilka breathed heavily. "You're a good friend," she whispered.

"You, too."

"You are _honorable_." 

"Stop it," Hoshi said, softly.

"Tell Trip…" 

"Yes?"

"Tell him…thank you." With her last breath, she died.

Hoshi stared at her face, shocked. Silently, she closed Nevilka's eyelids.

"Hoshi."

She turned at the sound of Travis' faint voice. She looked up to see the other Oknashtian, his pistol aimed at her face. She closed her eyes. He fired.


	33. Chapter 33: Emotions

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Emotions**

Hoshi opened her eyes and saw T'Pol. She had her phase pistol aimed. The Oknashtian lay on the floor, in front of her, lifeless.

"Ensign, are you alright?" T'Pol asked.

Hoshi only nodded and stood up.

Archer, Malcolm, Trip, a few crewmembers, and other aliens filled the bridge.

Hoshi blinked. The aliens looked familiar. She then remembered they were Horienzi.

Two crewmen carried Travis off the bridge.

Hoshi watched Trip, his eyes not looking at her. He walked past her and hovered over Nevilka's body. He knelt and touched her hand. His head hung and Hoshi looked away. She knew he was disappointed…angry…conflicted. She felt the same way.

Malcolm came up to her and wrapped his arm around her. She placed her head on his shoulder.

-----

Trip lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He felt numb. He thought of all the things he wanted right in his life, then of all the things he thought should be right. They all never amounted to this; the emptiness and self-loathing.

He heard his chime and sighed. Slowly, he walked to his door. When he opened his doors, there was nobody.

He almost walked back inside when something on the ground caught his attention.

There was a small box, with a note on top.

He picked it up and read the note, "Life is love, love is life."

"_Love is complicated; so many emotions, feelings, reactions, and so forth. Love doesn't magically appear overnight."_

Trip opened the box.

"_That's really pretty. Is it a necklace?"_

"It was a gift." 

Inside was a golden necklace designed with leaves from a certain tree on Horienzi, Hoshi mentioned a long time ago.


	34. Chapter 34: Pretend

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Pretend**

Hoshi entered the mess hall and paused in mid-step.

"Hey." 

"Hi," she said.

"How are you?" he asked. 

"Fine, and you?"

"Good."

Trip got up from his seat and guided Hoshi to a chair.

They faced each other, and Hoshi tried to smile.

"Hoshi…"

"Trip…" 

They both talked at the same time.

Trip chuckled. "Ladies first," he gestured.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry, too." 

"Listen," he continued. "I haven't been straight with you since I've been back."

Hoshi raised her eyebrow. "Was there something you needed me to know?"

"You wanna know the real story?"

"I think I deserve to know."

Trip sighed. "The day we retrieved the antidote for the virus to save you, Malcolm was shot in the leg."

"Yes," Hoshi said carefully, "I already know that."

"Let me continue. When that happened, I decided the fastest way for him to get medical attention _and_ for you to get the antidote as soon as possible was to transport him to the ship.

"I was gonna fly the shuttlepod back, with Nevilka. But she sensed something wrong before we entered the pod. She pushed me to run, and it was just in time, because the area was booby-trapped. Everything had exploded. 

"Suddenly, Oknashtian troops chased after us. We managed to escape, just barely. I couldn't get a hold of the ship, so we had to jump around quickly.

"Thinking of Nevilka's safety, as we traveled to different planets, we decided to get married, as a masquerade.

"It took us a few months, but we finally found you guys. But the Suliban and Oknashtians found us, as well.

"I explained everything to Jon and asked that this be kept low-key. That's why only a few crewmembers knew anything about an impending attack on the ship."

"Why did you continue with the pretense?" Hoshi asked. "Why didn't you tell me everything?" 

"Because Nevilka was dying."

"What?"

"She had been shot with a disease, much like you, on one of her missions against her government. Except hers didn't have a cure. I figured, why take away her happiness while she's still alive."

"She loved you." Hoshi realized. "She told me, before she died, to tell you 'thank you'. I hadn't known the real meaning behind that."

"Since the attack, we lost ten crewmembers, including Lieutenant Hubbert…all because of me."

"I know."

"It's my fault. I should be punished somehow. Yet, I'm back, a commander again, and chief engineer." He shook his head. "For the price of my wife and ten crewmembers that I never really got to know."

"You can self-pity, Trip; but it doesn't change a thing."

"I spent the other night thinking of all the things that should be right. But like you said, nothing is changed. Life just keeps going." He reached across the table and placed his hand on hers. "Tell me a story," he said, gently.

"I don't know any."

"How about the one with the man who's made a lot of bad decisions in his life? The same man who, right now, wants to tell the woman in front of him how much he still loves her."

Hoshi pulled her hand away. "Trip…we're not together anymore. I don't think we could ever go back. Everything's different."

Trip stood up and pulled Hoshi with him. "Let's just pretend. Everything else doesn't exist; only you and me."

Hoshi looked into his eyes. "Okay," she said.

Trip smiled and pulled Hoshi closer. They held each other and slowly turned in the mess hall. For tonight, they could dance reality away.

Little did they know, outside, a pair of blue eyes had been watching.


	35. Chapter 35: To Know

**Chapter Thirty-Five: To Know**

Hoshi walked into the armory. She spotted him, by himself, brandishing his weapons.

"Malcolm."

"What can I do for you, Ensign?"

She was caught off guard when he didn't use her personal name, especially when there was no one around.

"I…wanted to speak with you, on personal matters, that is."

Malcolm placed a smaller phase pistol back into its casing. "What would you like to speak to me about?"

"First, I'd like to know why you've been avoiding me all day."

"I would think it's obvious, Ensign."

"What do you mean _obvious_? I have no idea why you've been so cold. You don't even greet me on the bridge!"

"You still love him," he accused. 

"What?"

"You still love him," he repeated. "That's why you've come here. To break things off and run to your one true love."

Hoshi looked at him, unable to say anything in defense. He was hurting, and she hated being the cause for it.

"I'm making it easy for you, love." Hoshi could hear the sarcasm behind the endearment he used to say so easily to her. "If you'll excuse me, I have things to attend to." He walked past her.

She wanted to say something, anything that would make him understand she didn't want to hurt him. "I love you, too."

Malcolm halted. He turned around and looked at her. His eyes betrayed a ray of hope.

"I love you," she continued, "the same way I love Jon, Travis, Phlox and, even, T'Pol."

He walked back to her and grabbed the back of her head. He kissed her; hard and fast. He pulled away and their foreheads touched.

"Do you still love me?" he asked. 

She shut her eyes briefly and nodded. "As a friend," she whispered.

He released her.

"Malcolm…you're a special friend. What we've shared…it was comforting, surreal, but…"

"I hope you two will be very happy together." 

"Malcolm…"

"Hoshi, just go." Malcolm gestured to the exit. "Leave, before I regret _everything_ about you."

Reluctantly, she headed to the exit.

"Hoshi." 

She turned around. "Yes, Malcolm?"

"Was it hard to love me?"

She shook her head and smiled. "No…it was easy to."

And she was gone.

Looking around the empty armory, Malcolm smiled to himself. "You truly have a way with words."

-----

Trip entered the mess and found Hoshi, her back to him. He walked up to her and covered her eyes. 

"Trip." She smiled.

"How'd you know it was me?" Trip asked, removing his hands.

"I'd know your cologne anywhere."

Trip chuckled. "You looked like you were in deep thought."

"I was reminiscing, in the same spot that started _us_."

"Ah."

"Do you remember our first kiss? It was right here."

"Yes." 

"Our first dance was here. Even this ring," she held up her left hand to show him the ring finger, "you gave to me, here." 

"You still have it," he said.

"And here is where you said you loved me, for the first time."

Trip looked at her.

"Trip."

"Yeah?"

"I still love you, too."

Trip leaned across the table. "Say it again," he said.

"I love you," she mouthed.

Trip grabbed her and kissed her tenderly.

They broke away. "That's the first time you've said that to me," he said.

He leaned in again, but Hoshi placed her hand on his chest, signaling him to stop.

"What's the matter?" he asked, concerned. 

"I love you, Trip, but I need time to myself, right now." 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I need to know what there is for me in life before I am in another relationship, again."

"So you love me, but you don't wanna be with me?"

"I do. I know that I want you, but I need a break…just for me. It sounds selfish, I know, but I haven't come into my own without a man in my life."

Trip stared into Hoshi's eyes, searching hers deeply. "Is this what you really want, right now?"

"Yes."

"Okay." He kissed her forehead. "Just remember, no matter what happens, I love you…will always love you."

Hoshi watched as he exited the mess.

"I know," she whispered.

-----

FIN 


End file.
